WHERE IS YOUR FOCUS

God is speaking to me


He said, "let's be real"
It's time you focus on Me

You can't grow
Looking to and fro
And though you say you love Me
I'm the last you seek


You are gripped with fear
Because you know not My mission for the body

You cry with great sorrow
Because you know not my plan

You act out in frustration
Because you know not my protection

Where is your focus? What do you really believe?
Let's be real, You don't know me!

How Did This Happen

How did this happen?
What did I do?
And when did I do it!
When did I say it was OK to stomp my dreams
Ignore my feelings
Violate and hurt me!

Forty years later, I cry.
I cry so much, My heart races
My heart races as if I just got off a treadmill,
Ran a marathon,
Walked a country mile.

I am so mad!
Full of rage!
I can hardly breathe.

I can see the demons laughing at me...
As I lye on my bed where I put my feet.
I rose up saying,
"I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!"
I won't stay in this place of fear, helplessness and pity!
I’ve been here for 20 years.

How pathetic I have made my life.
All because of the choices I made long ago.
I want to self-destruct!
I want to run from this place and be free!
I want to hurt those that have hurt me...
I want to live a life of sanity

Oh God!
I know you see the awakening of my heart,
Help me leave this place.
I have pitied not loved,
I have been fearful not strong, but...
Because I am still breathing I have not failed.

There is pain,
There is hurt,
Then your blood,and sacrifice
There is hope
There is crying
There is joy
There is love

Inspiration

I've been inspired. Like the feeling of a first date.
The warmth of meeting new friends is almost like meeting a mate.

I've been inspired. I met Raayne and Celsius. Fun. Free, and full .
Full of hope, laughter and love.

I've been inspired. To stay up past my bed time and write.
Write about what it means to be inspired by someone or something.
It's like air, exhaling, closing your eyes right before you fall into a peaceful sleep.

As I write I'm listening to Nicolay's First Date (Instrumental). It too tickles my senses, inspiring me to flutter my fingers on the keyboard, feel my heartbeat, and lay my head back and think. Think of what thoughts I want to share.

Inspiration! It's a marvelous thing. To inspire or be an inspiration. Both are a wonderful thing.

The definition of Inspiration per Webster is:

• 1: a divine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation
• 2: the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions
• 3: the act of influencing or suggesting opinions
• 4: the act of drawing in; specifically : the drawing of air into the lungs
• 5 a: the quality or state of being inspired
• 6: something that is inspired
• 7: an inspiring agent or influence

Song in my heart, can you hear it?

There is Song in my heart, can you hear it? In my heart there is promise, song, love, faith and peace. The story of how God the majestic music conductor can take our shattered lives and make the parts whole and complete and play an awesome melody resonate from within. We must believe, and know that He is able. If we listen and watch we can see Him all around us. Waving his hands, conducting the orchestra of life.

This is why I love the performing arts. It is an awesome way to bring life, joy, healing, hope, faith to a nation through drama and theater.

Wow I feel overwhelmed with God’s love, grace, peace and hope. Are you listening, are you watching for God to show you what note to play. Can you hear the harmony, the melody, the chords and the strings? La, la, la, la, laaaaaaaaaaaaaa sings the beat of my heart!

DON'T CON YOURSELF

CO-"N" is my short way of saying Codependency is a CON!

4 years ago I discovered my Co-dependent behavior. I could not believe it!
Me? I said, "this couldn't be!"

That's right you;People pleasin', not believin', unreceivin' of self love, self preservation
"I thought I was being nice"?

What! Lefty please!

• When you were nice to the girl whose date dumped her on prom night didn't she try and take your man?
• When you were nice to the click, didn't you have to talk about folk too be part of their clan?
• When you were nice to him, didn't he take all that you had?
• When are you going to be nice too yourself and quit feeling bad?

I don't know how to protect myself, that's really sad!

But thank God for Sister Pat, she called me out. Told me what CO-"N" was all about!

Asked me some tough questions that I had to face, made things real clear that if I didn't change my life would be a waste.

Then I got the book, "CoDependency No More", by Melody Beatty, it changed my life! Along with heavy prayer and a will to fight!

I stood up and fought, my fear, guilt and shame;none of which God was ever to blame.

Jason Upton's song, "Faith" gave me strength and clarity

Through the tears, hurt and pain now I could see

Finally what God was saying to me, where the spirit of the Lord is there is liberty

I listened closer than I ever had before, to what God wanted and He opened every door

As I took each step, the fear started to fade

Then He showed me in Psalm 139 that, "I was fearfully and wonderfully made"!

Praise God it's 2008 and i'm on my way to being honest with ME

A sound mind, healthy thinking and a heart that is free

Free from unforgiveness, free from resentment, free to say NO!

I don't have to be nice if I'm not suppose to be so

A young girl sweet, naive and so nice, why did you have to go thru this strife

So that I could see that the devil is a liar and there really is a dawn

And when I meet others in the struggle tell them they can be delivered from the CON!

Leftbrain Poet

I WEAR A MASK

I wear a mask, that covers my pain
I wear a mask, that hides my shame
This mask is so tight it grips my face
It hides so much, people confuse my race
I've hid the real me for far too long
I often wonder what went wrong

My mask covers my loneliness
Even though I'm surrounded and continually blessed
God! Why can't I see what you see in me
And stand on whatever you want me to be

I lack courage and self confidence
Which is foolish cause I know from whence
Whence I came, and where I belong
Sent by God whose loving and strong
He told me, I don't have to know everything,
Just believe Jesus saves, and know He'll bring
Me out, out of the moury clay
Victorious in every way
Lord God, let your Holy Spirit Guide I plea
For I know, you have never left me

Help my unbelief
Unveil mine eyes when I don't see
Cleanse me from the inside out
Fill me up so I can shout

God has been good to me
He's open doors I could not see
Let me share my Testimony
In Jesus, there is Liberty!