How Did This Happen

How did this happen?
What did I do?
And when did I do it!
When did I say it was OK to stomp my dreams
Ignore my feelings
Violate and hurt me!

Forty years later, I cry.
I cry so much, My heart races
My heart races as if I just got off a treadmill,
Ran a marathon,
Walked a country mile.

I am so mad!
Full of rage!
I can hardly breathe.

I can see the demons laughing at me...
As I lye on my bed where I put my feet.
I rose up saying,
"I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!"
I won't stay in this place of fear, helplessness and pity!
I’ve been here for 20 years.

How pathetic I have made my life.
All because of the choices I made long ago.
I want to self-destruct!
I want to run from this place and be free!
I want to hurt those that have hurt me...
I want to live a life of sanity

Oh God!
I know you see the awakening of my heart,
Help me leave this place.
I have pitied not loved,
I have been fearful not strong, but...
Because I am still breathing I have not failed.

There is pain,
There is hurt,
Then your blood,and sacrifice
There is hope
There is crying
There is joy
There is love